Jail Broke

Jail Broke

How to NOT fall apart if your person gets incarcerated.
A few handy tips for the Ride or Die Bitch

Intro:

If you clicked on this then chances are you have found yourself in a situation where all of the sudden all life’s expenses and problems are suddenly all on you because OH SH!T your other half has gotten themselves in trouble with the law. And now not only do you miss them and are worried to death about them… but you are possibly faced with what i like to call being jail broke….

Regardless of how your better half has gotten themselves into trouble and what your relationship status with them is… chances are that one way or the other you have found yourself in a bind and are wondering if your going to be able to keep your head above water.

Let’s take a look at my situation. we have both struggled with addiction for the better half of our adult lives. it’s not something were proud of but it’s important to our story so we accept it and dont try to sugarcoat it.

**If you are interested in our story.. drop a comment below or stop by the ask page and leave an ask asking your questions so i can address them specifically.**
**if you are interested in learning more about addiction, please let me know so i can post more formal info about the subject**Thanks =-)

Towards the end of our most recent relapse things got very dark. And we both made a bunch of mistakes. And made a lot of horrible decisions. Some of which landed my husband in the county Jail for a little over a month unexpectedly.

Due to us being addicts on relapse at the same time we obviously were not prepared for this financially. Our savings had been depleted. We had zero cash stashed back.. We had no drugs on hand to quickly liquidate. We had no valuables to pawn. We had no food in our fridge. We had very few real friends left. Our families were angry. We had burned almost every resource we had that could have possibly helped us through this situation. And that was completely our faults. It’s not a pretty situation to be in. Its very stressful. Its very shameful. And honestly I found myself at my rock bottom in that moment.

That moment where i was unsure how the fuck i was gonna feed myself. Feed my addiction. How was i going to pay rent. How was i going to do anything? I was completely co dependant on my husband. he was the breadwinner. He was the one who took care of everything. I was just a homemaker. I had my own little side gigs but none of them were profitable enough to support myself, the home we had made and my habit. And also be able to put money on his commissary so that he could live semi comfortably while he was in there and be able to make phone calls home.

On Top of the financial responsibility suddenly being all on me… i was also simply lost without my man… my best friend… my favorite human… and we did not leave things very well. As a matter of fact… we left things absolutely horrible. neither of us knew where we stood as a couple. We were both hurt… we were both lost. We were both at rock bottom.

To be honest for the first few weeks i handled things horribly. I wild out. I slept with someone else. I got fucked up everyday. I was on the path to self destruction. I was doing anything i could to bury my feelings in someone or something else. I was completely avoiding all of my issues. I was in full on avoidance mode. And though this was incredibly bad it was also something that i desperately had needed. I had let myself forget who i was in the months prior. I completely became a shell of a human. and in this few weeks i learned to live again. and i learned to love myself again.

I had a good friend (at the time) there for me who helped me get through it. He made me see my worth again. He helped me to find the confidence i had once had and lost over years of a toxic relationship and dope infested environment. In the end he ended up hurting me… but thanks to him and the little things he helped me to find within myself i was able to rebound from that hurt with a strength i never knew i had within me!

And i’m writing this to share with you the things I did and learned while i fixed the shitshow that was my life. It wasn’t all with grace… and i had to bite a lot of bullets… but I’ve made it. He’s now out of treatment. And we are both sober. And we are… OKAY! AND YOU CAN AND WILL BE TOO!!!

Part I : Don’t freak out. Life isn’t happening to you. its happening FOR you.

I know that sounds so cliche and much easier said than done. But honey i promise you, you are stronger than you think. You can and will get through this. It’s so stinkin easy to get down in the dumps and let a situation defeat you because you see it as a negative and you feel as though life is somehow punishing you. But that is all in how you choose to see it and the state of mind you let yourself be in. at the end of the day YOU are the one in control of your life. Remember that.

As soon as you can understand that everything in life… good and bad both… its all there for you to learn from and grow through. Yes i said GROW THROUGH not GO THROUGH. All of it… the sad, the happy, the scary and the challenging… it’s all there for you as a person to adapt through and overcome. Consider life an obstacle course. with each challenge set in place to strengthen and prepare a certain part of you. the course itself may seem daunting when you look at is a whole. but when you slow down, don’t freak out and focus yourself on ONE specific challenge at a time… you will be amazed at how much easier it is to navigate your way through it.

though this may seem like an awful situation. its happening for a reason. so get up, dust yourself off and get to work. you are all you got now sweetheart. nobody’s just gonna come along and do it all for you.

Part II : Take Inventory of your life. Use what you have, do what you can.

This is important. In order to move forward to live another day it’s time to start little by little to get yourself in a position to handle your shit. look around you, what do you have? take inventory. of fucking everything from your belongings to your mental state. maybe you need some quick cash?

okay, start going through your shit. all of it. this “tight spot” is a wonderful chance to declutter your life. after all it’s true what they say… cluttered space, cluttered mind. unless you’ve already sold all your belongings for dope… which in my case was partially true. BUT most likely you do still have some things left of value. sell what you can or trade it off for things that you need. if you haven’t touched it in a year and when you pick it up it doesn’t immediately strike you as something you NEED to keep. then get rid of it. sell it. donate it. whatever. it’s time for a fresh start. and doing this will not only help you to reorder and organize your life but it is also an opportunity to make some fast cash as well as help those in need. doing this , i promise you will make you feel so much better even if you don’t make hundreds from it. every little bit helps and honestly there is just so much beauty in the process of purging.

now that you’ve taken inventory of your things and done what you can. do the same with yourself. take inventory of your feelings, emotions, thoughts, goals. dig deep. truly look inside yourself and ask yourself. What do i got to do now? how am i gonna do it? and how does this all make me feel? maybe you’re still in active addiction and its time to consider getting sober. in my situation this was the case. doing this made me think to myself exactly where i wanted my future to go and when i asked myself how am i gonna get there… my only thought was.. soberly. i have to get there soberly. because up to this point id stayed completely fucked up.. and this… just isn’t working. obviously. my addiction got me here… and it certainly wasn’t the answer to getting out. i knew this. but this thought made me feel scared. i was fucking scared to death. how do i live sober when up to this point i dealt with all negativity in my life with drugs. every emotion with drugs. even happy. party happy, party sad, party , party mad… it doesn’t matter whatever i felt it was always in my mind better if it was done high. it was now that i realized that’s why my life was such a fucking wreck… i mean yeah i knew this before… but now i truly felt the weight of all my poor decision making and i knew in this instant it was fucking time to grow up.

But how? Well.. that is a tale for another time. if you wish to learn more about my addiction and the process i took to get clean then leave a line below and let me know and i’ll touch on that another time. now… some of you may get this part and say but katy? i’m not ready to get sober… and that is also okay. maybe you’re not ready… im not judging. i’m just speaking from my own experience and in my situation this is something i had to do in order to survive. my family refused to help me while i was still using. while i was using i was lazy and only cared about chasing my high so it left no time for all the shit i need to do now. it took money out of my pocket that i didn’t have room to waste anymore. and to be honest… at this point i’d decided to reconcile with my man…. and i knew in my heart our only shot was to try life again soberly. it was also at this point i gained knowledge that he had chosen to go to treatment and was being released from jail to do so. so i just knew in my heart of hearts…that it was time to get clean.

Part III : Make a Plan. Set some goals. Take action.

So here you are, you’ve taken inventory. you know where you stand with life or at least somewhat have an idea. this is good. if you’ve made it to this point then im proud of you. you’ve not given up and honey i promise this is the most important thing. if you just give up and stop… life still goes on… then what the fuck you gonna do? survive. that’s what. so get up. make a plan. set some goals. and TAKE ACTION!

what does this mean? well for me it meant securing a place to live because i was being evicted and this was my first priority. this was also super stressful and i’ll be honest… all i wanted to do was run and get high. but i didn’t do this. because as i said before doing so would have caused my family to turn their backs so i stuck it out and took all that negative drug wanting energy and used my new priority to keep me as busy and my mind as occupied as possible. i was lucky enough to obtain a small loan from a family member who wished to see me succeed in my sobriety and wanted to see my husband and i do well when he returned from rehab. they took a chance on me and handed me the cash i needed to purchase a small vintage camper trailer. no it wasn’t much, but it was 4 walls and a roof and at this point that was my only concern because being homeless was not something i wanted to entertain. that made me act right and use the money for what it was intended instead of using it to get high like i truly wanted to do.

Once i had done this and got it home… it was time for the real work to begin. for me this was an exciting time because i had long been obsessed with tiny living and the minimalist lifestyle so this cure.. was actually a blessing in disguise for me. now this may not apply to you. you may have kids and need something more secure and that’s fine… again this is just my own experience and what i did to survive.

` my goal was to make a home for my husband to come home to and make it a place fit for recovery. and also to get sober myself. so while he was in real rehab. i was in renovation rehab. this was my plan of action. i won’t lie… at first, i was super overwhelmed at the thought of loading up my entire life into a camper. so i froze up and spent a few days , more than i care to admit just laying in bed crying. and then it came down to the wire. i was officially evicted and had 10 days to vacate my home of 7 years. it was time to get the fuck up and put my plan into action. so that’s what i did. and everyday that passed as i got closer and closer to the move out date i found myself holding on tightly to my old life and belongings… until the day came that i had to pull the camper away. that day i woke up and said fuck it. i had all our important memorabilia packed and stashed. i had all my necessities. and i was finally ready to say goodbye to my old life. so i called my dad and had him come pick my up and haul my new home to its new location on his property. and ill tell you … the second i pulled away… a gigantic weight was lifted off my shoulders and suddenly i just felt… okay… and ready to begin this new chapter in my life.

upon waking the next day in my new location… it was time for phase two. time to make this place home. time to make this a place fit for recovery. and mind you i didn’t have much of a budget for improvements and repairs… but as i started telling people about my journey and my plans help just started pouring in. so many people supported me with this and were curious to see how i turned this vintage dreary camper in to my own little zen palace. and they really just understood that this project was more important to me than just a simple renovation… it was my rehab. and keeping my head focused on the tasks ahead was keeping me sober. it was helping me use my creative energy and it was helping me learn to be an independant female.

and i’m proud to say i completed this goal beautifully and im very very proud of the work i did and the things i accomplished all on my own labor wise. if you wanna know more about my renovation you can view the transformation videos on my sites fb page here {inserttlink}. Also if you guys are interested in knowing more about the minimalist life and how its treating me just let me know. id be glad to break it down and let you know exactly the process i went through and how its enriched my life.

Part IV: Take Care of Yourself. You are all you got.

i know this sounds silly. i mean your life is a mess, how are you gonna possibly take the time to take care of yourself? well i don’t have that answer… i just know it is the MOST important part of this process. because you are now self reliant. and how are you gonna take care of yourself if you’re a hot exhausted mess? it’s simply… you’re not.

you’re going to get tired. and you’re going to get mentally exhausted and overwhelmed. in order to keep reaching your goals and feeling good about your success you have to take time to appreciate the success you’ve already achieved and celebrate reaching the goals you have already crossed off your list. take time to reflect. take time to just sit and appreciate what you’ve already done. you’ve already come so far from day one when you were nothing but a mess… so treat yourself. you’ve earned it.

for me this meant taking a day to just sit in my new home and appreciate it . truly accept my situation and love the progress i had made. i listened to my favorite music, put on a face mask, painted my toenails…you know girly shit.

it was also at this time that i decided to treat my sobriety and reach out and find a sponsor. someone to help me through the steps and help me deal with the things i wasn’t equipped to deal with alone. up to this point i’d done it all alone… and that was great when i had all kinds of shit to keep me busy… but my renovation was coming to an end… and it was time to truly take care of myself. during this time i also reached out and truly reconciled with my husband and made plans for him to actually come home when he got out of treatment. this helped my heart tremendously as it did his. leaving things unsettled like we had when he left was toxic for both of us and our sobriety. working shit out freed up the space in our heads we needed to focus on our recovery and also gave us both something to look forward to when he got home.

let me know if you have been in this situation. what was your action towards your relationship? did you salvage it? or simply move on once you found your independence. im curious to see how others in my situation handled that particular subject. Also what is your favorite form of self care?

Part V: Eyes Forward. Don’t look back, you’re not going that way

You’ve made it this far. Congrats. This means you’ve survived your horrible situation. you’ve take care of number one. YOU! and now the only thing to do is look forward. keep your eyes on the horizon and don’t dwell on the past that was. yes reflection at times is good. but don’t get stuck there. you’ve moved on. you’ve gotten out. you’re okay. don’t let that old life suck you back in. fuck that old life. it left you broken. you’ve rebuilt. you’re a rockstar. you can’t change your past, and yes it’s part of how you’ve become who you are… but it’s not who you are any longer.

in my case this meant continuing on with my sponsor and my step program. this meant welcoming my husband home with open arms. this meant finally loving myself enough to let go of my past. and i don’t look back.

LIFE UPDATE

my husband has been home for a little over a month now. and i am proud to report we are doing well and happy. we are both sober. we are both pushing forward. we are working to repair our relationship and ourselves everyday. but i won’t sugar coat it guys… this has not been an easy journey. there is still a lot of hard things left to face. rebuilding life after years of destroying it with our drug use sucks. but just the simple fact that we are both sober and willing … is all that matters. rome wasn’t built in a day… so just for today… i am thankful to have come as far as i have. and the rest… well that’s a story for another time =-)

Disclaimer: I know everyones situation is different, this is just how I got through my own story. It’s my Hope that this can help anyone else facing a similar situation. . Keep your head up people. ♡ kd

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